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Children Need Their Parents

Image courtesy of John Hain at Pixabay.com

Children need their parents. This is particularly true during times of transition, such as divorce. The most challenging thing about going through divorce is to manage your own pain so that you can be the support your child needs. Divorce is a critical time for a family. Emotions are high. Sometimes parent conflict is extremely high to the point of insanity. If you are feeling so much stress and upset, just imagine what your children are feeling. They need their parents to reassure them that everything will be alright, but if you are not sure of that, it is hard to make them believe the words you tell them.

Many parents seek out help from lawyers or mediators to get through the divorce process. Some will even turn to a therapist. Those are good professionals to turn to, but the problem is that you may hear different things from each different player. A therapist is going to validate your feelings while a lawyer is going to tell you your feelings don’t matter. Everything will feel like it is tied to money when it is supposed to be about your children’s best interests.

Have you ever thought about seeking help from a coach-mentor? High Conflict Central has been involved with parents in conflict, especially parents going through divorce or post decree issues. We not only have a collective 21 years of experience in the process divorced parents have to go through, but also have experienced the pain. A requirement for our coach-mentors is that they have been through similar things to what you are going through. We can understand what you are talking about and help you understand the upside down and backwards experience of what it is like to go through family court in a way that your lawyer or therapist will never be able to do. We also understand the reason behind Family Court and what seems like insanity in their thinking and we want to help you understand, too. There is nothing that feels more like eternal darkness than trying to navigate a system that you are not prepared to navigate and do not understand.

High Conflict Central tries to be the link to connect all the pieces for you. While you may not want to spend money on coaching when you have high legal bills and concerns about your future, our clients will tell you that coaching helped decrease their lawyer bills and the number of interactions with court professionals like judges or parenting consultants. It will also help you feel supported and in the strongest possible position to help your child. Contact us to learn more about coaching services at High Conflict Central, a trademark of Susan Carpenter Coaching and Consulting.

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Who Do You Recommend for a Parenting Coordinator or Consultant?

Approved Seal by Naypong

 

As someone who has been working for almost 20 years to help parents navigate the very choppy waters of family court, I get a fair amount of calls and emails from parents who feel overwhelmed with how off track their case has become.  High conflict cases snowball into unimagineable craziness and parents desperately want to find ways to make it stop.  Much of the craziness doesn’t really come from court.  It really comes from the behavior of one or both parents.  When you get sucked into the vortex of the land of upside down and backwards, AKA family court, there is little that the legal system can offer to fix it.  Everything depends on the level of the cooperation between parents and their willingness to accept the reality of the situation and follow the prescripts that court professionals have to offer.  Unfortunately, there is no magic fairy dust.  There are no gold plated court orders that will make someone “follow the rules” or court orders.  Parenting is not an exact science, whether a couple is happily married or whether they are angrily, hostiley, vindictively or hatefully divorced.  The problem for divorced people is that you cannot put parenting on hold.  Married couples sometimes alternate parenting between each parent because they do not fear the other has plans to take the children away, but divorced parents battle over who gets to do what, often because fear or hurt feelings are driving the parenting.  Court orders cannot magically take fear or hurt feelings away.

In many cases, parents work through their fears and hurt feelings, and divorce drama can settle down to a level that will make the situation workable for children and parents, but in the case of high conflict, the battle continues to rage without end.  It is possible for the craziness to not only stay the same, but to increase.  It happens because one or both parents are very rigid and demanding and they are unable or unwilling to look at how they contribute to the conflict.  Until both parents can examine how they got to this point, there really is no way to move them forward.  So, even though the real burden is always on the parents, desperate parents beg the court for help.

Family court doesn’t have much to offer that will be of much help to you.  They operate with no-fault ideas for divorce.  You can blame all day long, but they don’t want to hear about it.  Court operates under “the best interests of the child” doctrine, which means that the court has been elevated to the keeper of your child’s best interests, regardless of what a parent might think their child’s best interests are, and the most they can offer you is usually some type of mental health services.  Even then, their options for mental health services in high conflict situations are a blend of law and psychology and sometimes, neither specialty does what it is supposed to do.  If those areas don’t work together, but are in conflict with each other they add more drama to the mix.  You end up being at the mercy of the biases and ideals that the professionals hold, often outside of court and outside of the application of law, but that is what they have to offer you if you cannot make it workable yourself.

About the only thing they can offer, once the Judgement and Decree has been signed, sealed and delivered, is  the services of a Parenting Consultant or Parenting Coordinator.  The term Parenting Consultant is exclusive to Minnesota.  The rest of the world calls them Parenting or Parent Coordinators.  What these professionals do is to act as a neutral party, who will case manage the parents’ communication and conflict, try to help the parents cooperate and make agreements about the children, but they will also make a decision when the parents are unable to agree.  It can be helpful, but it can also be a prison sentence.

Because of my personal and professional background in family court, parents seek out my wisdom on who they should choose as their parenting consultant.  Since I am in Minnesota, I know specifics about some of the PCs here.  Because I work one on one with parents as a divorce and conflict coach or parent educator, I have seen samplings from many of our local PCs and I know how they think or react.  That can be helpful when someone asks me who they should choose as a PC, but truthfully, you just cannot know how a PC will act in your case.

Over the years, I have had favorite PCs.  There have also been some PCs that I tell people to steer clear of.  Still, it is a hard call.  PCs can burn out.  PCs can come up with ideas that they think are really good and then see that they go bad.  PCs charge you a lot of money for their services and so if that is their sole motivation, they may enjoy seeing the conflict increase.  Every so often I see a PC do a phenomenal job and I recommend that individual very highly, but then something happens and they do a terrible job on the next case.  Did they suffer from burn out?  Are they too overloaded with cases?  Word gets around if they seem to know what they are doing.  Did they get ill?  Are they just tired of the pettiness?  What you may not understand is high conflict is not only stressful for you, but also stressful for the professionals.  I can speak to how difficult it is to witness some of the things parents will do to their child on a daily basis and be unable to do enough to put a stop to it or make the parent see their role in the conflict.  Performing the role of PC is not easy.  Being a prisoner (parent) of the role is frustrating, to say the least.

What you must remember is this.  The individuals who fill the role are human, just like you.  They make mistakes.  They get stressed.  They have no magic formula to make people cooperate, treat each other decently, put their children first, or “follow the rules”.  Your conflict may be different from the conflict they’ve managed in other families.  While conflict is very similarly rooted, the underlying issues or triggers may be different.  The interaction between parents may be very different.  The histories between parents may be very different.  The children’s personalities may be very different.  Parent’s personalities may clash with the personality of the Parenting Coordinator/Consultant.  A PC may be too passive to make a difference for you or they may be too aggressive to change an aggressive parent.  You can never really know how things will go in your particular case.

If you are planning to appoint a Parenting Coordinator/Consultant to your case or are struggling with one that you currently have, I strongly recommend coaching services.  Your approach to the process and with the professional will determine how well it can work.  Coaching can help you understand what is happening, especially when it makes no sense to you.  For more information on why your family cannot move forward, contact us.  We are always happy to see if we can make a difference for you and your child.

Also, regardless of where you live, if you have any recommendations for a Parenting Consultant or Parenting Coordinator, leave a comment.  Parents want to know about different professionals so that they don’t choose the wrong one.  Your feedback may spare another parent from a lot of grief.  Always keep in mind though, if a parent has approached the situation with ill intent, they probably will have a hard time with the PC on their case.  Everything is about perception.

Follow High Conflict Central.  Our goal is to help parents make a better life for themselves and their children.  You can read more about that here and here.  We are assembling a team of divorce mentors around the country.  If this is something you are interested in, either finding a mentor or training to become a mentor, contact us today.

PC services are part of what is offered by Life’s Doors Mediation, a sponsor of High Conflict Central.  Reach out to them if you are looking for PC services.  To learn about the difference between a PC and a PTE, sign up for our free e-course on the topic.

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Singular or Plural?

Hand Of A Man And Woman Tearing Apart Heart Symbol by Sira Anamwong
Image courtesy Sira Anamwong at freedigitalphotos.net

I have an acquaintance who, like me, has dedicated her life to helping children.  This is something that we both agree on, the importance of parents in the life of their children.  In fact, we agree on many things when it comes to parents and children.  Especially, when it comes to those families who have been impacted by divorce.  We agree that children need to interact with both of their parents.  We agree that children are given to parents from God.  We agree that God chose both parents as being responsible for the particular child in question and that both parents have a right to that child and a responsibility to act in good faith to raise them.  Where we disagree is on a 50-50 split.  She believes that dividing a child 50-50 will resolve all conflict and remove all court battles for that child’s family experience.  I disagree.

The reason I disagree is because I work with parents in these horrible high conflict situations and I see the harm that high conflict can inflict on a child.  I see this played out every single day.  The worst of cases?  Those who stipulated (agreed) to joint custody and/or 50-50 parenting time when they had no business doing so.  In those families, they have some serious work to do before they will ever have even a remote chance of working well together.  Neither parent will be able to fix the problem on their own and the other parent has no interest in working together on resolution.  In those cases, a 50-50 split is not going to be a good thing for their child and will also not be a good thing for either parent.  It will be a detrimental situation for both parents.  Sole custody and limiting time for the parent who won’t get in the game may be the only resolution for that family, unless they want to constantly run to court or a court appointed decision maker to get decisions made for their child.

Why do my acquaintance and I see the situation so differently?  Why do law professionals see it differently than feeling and emotion professionals do?  Why do so many parents get it wrong when they talk about “parental rights”?

The acquaintance, whom I will now refer to as “Parenting Equality Bound” has studied Supreme Court decisions on Parental Rights.  I have also studied the same decisions.  She sees the law as a weapon.  I see the law as a tool.  Some of the work she has done over 30 years has severely weakened the law.  I’d like to fix some of that and return the law to a strong place again.  It is the weakness she helped create that is the source of many of her complaints about the law.  It’s rather ironic.  Because Family Law is an extremely weak and vague area of law, she’d like to do away with it all together while I’d like to see its hands untied so it can get back to a place where it works for people it is supposed to serve.  Two different people.  Two different ideas.  Two different beliefs.  Two different solutions.  Two different perspectives and the only way that this difference will be resolved is if one of us decides to see things differently.  That is unlikely to happen.

The reason for our different perspectives?  I used the law as a tool to help my children and it worked.  Someone very close to her in her life used it as a weapon regarding parental rights in a system that is there for the Best Interests of children, and it did not work that way.  It rarely works if you only see it as a weapon and see it about you without regard to the children.  Unfortunately, some parents only know weapons.  Regardless of perspectives, law is law.  It doesn’t care about feelings.  We’ve tried to make it care about feelings and that has been a disaster for high conflict families whose feelings can be extreme and sometimes out of touch with reality.  High Conflict families are the lens that both me and Parenting Equality Bound see it through because the cooperative families don’t need the help of law so much as the high conflict families do.  The problem is that the laws have been molded into expectations of parental cooperation for the benefit of children and to date, we don’ have 100% compliance with cooperation.

The other day, Parenting Equality Bound and I were discussing new legislation she is pushing.  Every year without fail, she pushes, and pushes.  She has been described as a “bull in a China” shop.  Just a few weeks ago she greatly insulted several colleagues that she has worked with for the last three years on a publication and I watched her lose all of what she gained in terms of respect.  Any respect her colleagues developed over the three years disintegrated in one brief moment.  She lost the respect of everyone on that work group, myself included.  I stay open-minded with people and try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but what she wrote to the work group was simply outrageous and unfounded and just another example of how things have to be her way or the highway.  It also showed the very narrow lens though which she sees the world.  Many of the parents I’ve had to work with also see through a very narrow lens and because of it, they are not able to see the big picture in a variety of situations.  During my conversation with Parenting Equality Bound, she asked me why I would not want parents to have equal rights.  My answer is that parents do not have two separate rights to a child.  There is only one shared right.  She makes an argument that parent’s rights are 100% and 100%.  That math makes 200%.  I know the reality is simply 100%, which means both parents combined share 100%, which can be distributed between the two anywhere from zero to 100.  50-50 is only one possible outcome, but there are several other possible outcomes to choose from.  I don’t understand why parents would want to be limited.  From my perspective, they might be the one who should have close to 100%.  If it was to benefit their child, why wouldn’t they take on more responsibility if the other parent is not capable of being responsible or child focused?

I used to see it the same way she did.  I had my rights and my children’s father had his rights and because it was so painful to work with him, I just wanted to take my rights and the child over here and have him take his rights and the child over there and leave each other the heck alone!  He had always been abusive to me and the children and he had also had issues with alcoholism.  Someone with those kinds of relationship issues doesn’t make for a very reliable or responsible co-parent.  Still, I tried to make it work and all it did was prove how impossible it would be unless the abuse and alcoholism were going to be addressed.  Professional after professional wanted me to pretend those issues did not exist so we could move on.  Unfortunately, moving on was not in and of itself going to foster an environment of cooperation in our case.  I did everything I could do on my end only to have the other parent highly resistant to change anything on his end to improve things for the children and I started to realize, we really had zero care and control of the children.  Because we were unable to figure this out and do it together, the court professionals held the care and control of the children.  That was unacceptable to me.  I believed a parent should take charge over and above the court professionals and so I made my case and was awarded sole custody.  That corrected 95% of the problems my children faced by being stuck in a long, drawn out legal affair and under the custody of court people.  Because of this, I still believe and will continue to believe that there are cases where it is better to have one parent take over the heavy lifting instead of leaving the decisions of children in the hands of court professionals.  When 50-50 does not work well for the family involved, it equates to a childhood lived inside the overshadowing of a system.  The family has no escape route until the children turn 18 and are fully emancipated.  What 50-50 means is two half parents and in most cases, it actually means 100% court professional parents.

When families have two parents who can work out the sharing of divorced parenting, great!  They should.  Those who can agree to do it, do it,  and it works well for them.  They don’t need a court order to tell them what to do and they understand that parenting is not an exact science.  They are sometimes willing to let the other parent take a greater role from time to time and sometimes they have to take on a greater role, too.  It may not be fair and equal, but it is balanced.  Those parents don’t want their rights handed to them from a court.  They know that they already have their shared right and understand that with that right comes the responsible to their children so that no one has to do it for them.  They also understand the concept of sharing.  They know that sometimes you have to give up something to get something else.

The parents who cannot get cooperation without (and sometimes even with) a court order are the ones who have to make hard decisions.  Can the situation work for the child and how much can they do alone to support their child and make it work?  Sometimes one parent can do a lot to improve a situation even when the other parent won’t life a finger to make things better.  They may be able to make 50-50 work despite the other parent.  However, in some families, when a parent is actively working against their every effort, it may be time to put a stop to the sabotage.  Sometimes that is the kindest thing you can do for your children and the parent who doesn’t know how to share because in reality, they are harming the children and themselves. I do not want to see sole custody go away because it can sometimes be the only thing that rescues a child that is being harmed.  I also always believe that it is better to have a parent entrusted with the children rather than a system.  I’d prefer there be two parents, but when that is not possible, it makes sense to have one rather than none.

Parenting Equality Bound never sees a reason why 50-50 won’t work.  As I said, she believes that each parent has a right to the children from the Supreme Court of the United States.  I’ve listened to lawyers try explaining to her that there aren’t two rights, but only one shared right.  She will not listen.  Through my research, I have also learned about this shared right.  There are not two rights, there is only one right to one child.  Therefore, that one right can be distributed between parents and in Family Court, that is what is done.  It may be 50-50.  it may be 25-75 or it may be 35-65.  How it gets distributed depends on how parents can make it work best for the child or children involved.

Parenting Equality Bound continues to tell me to read the Supreme Court decisions.  I have.  I ask her to show me where they say parents have more than a “right”, in other words, when do they say parents each have a right separate from the other?  She can never show me that.  She will show me various SCOTUS decisions, which she believes offer parent’s rights in the plural, but everything I have read lists parents in the plural and the words “right” or “interest” in  the singular.  Does it matter?  Yes, it does.

There is only one right to one child.  Yes, there are two parents.  Splitting the baby in half is not the answer.  The answer has to be about the child’s safety and well-being.  In the King Solomon story in the Bible, the only custody battle shared from God’s word, one parent is lying and manipulating and acting in bad faith.  The other parent is able to be focused on the child’s safety and well-being.  The bad faith parent doesn’t care if the child is destroyed, so long as she wins.  The good faith parent is unwilling to allow the child to be harmed no matter what the outcome is for her.  Solomon, the wise judge, gives the care and control to the parent who can put the child’s needs above their own.  That is what good parents do.  That is why we do need wise judges to make tough decisions like that.  Part of the problem is that for so long now, judges have tried to make parents share and make decisions together because the child does need both parents.  Some of it has gone beyond all common sense and good judgment.  There has been a big push for restorative and social justice (with ideals such as equality) that have weakened the law in the area of families.  The truth about equality is that we are all created equal, but we are not promised an equal outcome, especially when we act in bad faith or use court as a weapon that harms our children.

I would urge parents who believe in parenting equality to review the Supreme Court documents on the right or the interest of parents.  Is it singular or is it plural?  Is it a right you share with the other parent or are there two rights, plural? If it is truly one right to be distributed in the best interest of your child, are you placing a limit on yourself and tying your hands when the other parent acts in bad faith?  What if you are the only one who is focused on providing a good outcome for your child?  Might it be that you are the one who should take control away, not only from the parent acting in bad faith, but from a court who would prefer not to act, but has to act because the two of you have shown that you cannot act in good faith together?

It is a rare event when a parent gets sole custody after divorce, as it should be, but real equality is when each parent has an option to rescue their children from having court professional be the parents when one parent makes it impossible to get decisions made for their child.

 

 

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Myths About Our Family Wizard

White Unicorn in Field
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The following is my most popular post ever. It has been updated slightly. When I started trying to bring a new High Conflict Program to Minnesota, I removed the post out of respect for Our Family Wizard. They asked me to remove it, and offered to help me get the High Conflict program started in Minnesota. Normally, I stand behind what I write and what I believe, but at the time, I thought more people could be helped with the High Conflict program than could be helped by this post. As Family Court just keeps getting worse for families, I have decided that I need to re-post this. I think it is information that is helpful to people. That is what I am trying to do. As you will note, I do find certain portions of Our Family Wizard to be convenient. The goal when I wrote this back in 2011 was to help people stay focused on the reality that there is very little any Family Court tool can do to help you when you have a hostile co-parent. That is a sad fact of reality. Below is the re-post of sad realities.

*The following is a repost from A Day in the Life Blog of Life’s Doors Mediation from 12-15-11

Our Family Wizard is a communication tool that the courts often order families to use to manage co-parenting issues. You can email through our family wizard, keep a calendar/schedule for the whole family and scan receipts to have a record of expenses for the children.

The high conflict family will still have high conflict through Our Family Wizard. While OFW does offer discounts for military families and scholarships to some families, it will cost you $99 per year or $179 for a 2 year plan. That cost is for each parent. While there are some things about Our Family Wizard that are helpful and handy, it still is another money sucking entity for the court. You can do all the same things through email or a shared yahoo/gmail calendar, etc. The reason the court will order you to use it is because court authorities can log in and review what is going on with your family. For example, if you want your parenting coordinator/consultant to read some of the emails that your ex has sent to you, you can let them know that they should review the emails and the professional can log in, select your account and read through anything they’d like.

There are myths about how it works and I’d like to clear some of those up. I have known people who get very excited about the use of Our Family Wizard. They think that finally, someone is going to see how nasty my ex is and do something about it. If that is what you believe, the first thing you need to know is that these people see nasty. They see nasty family battles a lot. It is nothing new to them. Second, if your ex is nasty, what is it that you expect the parenting coordinator or consultant to do about that exactly? They really cannot do much.

There is a scare tactic to Our Family Wizard. The courts hope that since a court authority, including the judge, can look in and read your emails at anytime, you might decide to be civil and cooperative with your ex. Do judges look in and read your emails? I highly doubt it. They don’t want to see you in their court room, why would they take the time to go read nasty emails? Do parenting coordinators/consultants read the emails? Again, that is highly unlikely. They simply don’t have time. The system is not designed for them to read every email on every case that they are involved with. Usually, if you want your PC to read the emails, you would either need to call and tell them to do so, or send them an email and tell them to do so.

Our Family Wizard can be used for people who are not involved in the family courts, but is mostly court ordered for high conflict cases. Is it a bad thing? That depends. It will take more of your money. If you are already spending a fortune for attorney’s and parenting coordinators/consultants, this is just more money out of your kids’ pockets. Think of the things you could do for your child with that money. If it is a court order though, you have no choice. Well, you do, but if your ex will make a federal case out of it, you don’t want to risk contempt of court.

Does Our Family Wizard reduce conflict? Not so much. It may decrease some of the battles at first, but once you get used to it, you let your guard down. Communications get bad once again and now you have just moved the location of the battle, from yahoo (for example) to Our family Wizard. That is the only change, the location where the battle plays out.

Another problem with Our Family Wizard is that often, a parent will email the other parent, but will start writing to the PC and cc-ing the other parent. This is not the way it is supposed to go, but it often goes that way. The way disputes work in family court, one parent can make a request of the other, if the other parent says no, then you contact the parenting coordinator/consultant. This doesn’t always happen with the crutch of Our Family Wizard. As mentioned previously, one parent will start emailing the PC at any sign of dispute. They will add your name to the email as if you are an after thought.

Our Family Wizard may work well for you and your family. It’s hard to say, but you should definitely check it out before you have to use it. There are some other programs around so it doesn’t have to be Our Family Wizard, but you and your ex will have to agree to use a different company and hope your professional is OK with it.  Most professionals will only go with Our Family Wizard.

Since your emails on Our Family Wizard are not private, you will need to be careful what you write. Written words are missing body language, facial expressions and emotion so in the absence of that, words can be taken to mean things that you didn’t intend.

Also, regarding the calendar, I have known some couples who use the shared calendar and if anytime the other parent forgets to add an appointment or send an email through Our Family Wizard, the other parent goes berserk. These things happen. It is very unfortunate and not what it is intended for, but you need to be aware that it can be used as a weapon.

Again, this can be a useful tool, if you use it as it was made to be used.  Personally, I liked the receipt scanning ability.  I could scan copies of medical payments when requesting reimbursement from the other parent.  It is also fantastic to keep track of the kids’ schedule and appointments, clear up miscommunications, etc., but it can and is often another tool to use against an ex. If you have a high conflict person to co parent with, this will just end up like anything else, a battle field.

Over the years, different companies have popped up from time to time in an effort to compete with Our Family Wizard, but they typically go out of business pretty fast.  Our Family Wizard has succeeded in making a name for themselves across the country and judges frequently court order the program for parents, as do parenting coordinators and consultants.  There are some good things about Our Family Wizard, but if you think it will stop a bad actor, it usually will not.  You also cannot force someone to sign up or use the program if they are not going to.  Some people choose to be difficult and non communicative.  If someone is acting in bad faith and wants to make your life miserable, there is usually little you can do to stop it, other than be courageous and strong in the face of the attacks from an unhappy person while spending your time focusing on the needs of your children.  No matter what.

High Conflict Central has helped many parents on communication.  We offer coaching and education for individuals and families.  One of the most helpful things our clients gain is to remove the stress of emailing with a hostile co-parent.  You know, the one who sends 25 nasty responses to a simple request.  We’d love to help you, whether you use Our Family Wizard or not.  Contact us for a free consult today and the best part is, working with us does not have to involve your ex.  It will be your work for yourself and for your children.  Contact us today.

Break Ups · Co-parenting · Coping · Court authorities · Crazy Ex · Custody · Divorce · Divorce Nastiness · divorce with children · ex spouse · Freedom · Hostile ex · liars · lies · Truth

Never Interfere with Your Ex

If you want the truth to be shown, do not interfere.  When someone is digging themselves a deep hole, let them!  This is a hard concept for many divorced parents, but it is a myth to believe that any of it is within your control.  It isn’t.  Do what you are supposed to be doing and stop worrying about your ex.  They will do whatever it is they are going to do.  Trying to make them do what they won’t is a never-ending source of misery.  Protecting them from their own nonsense is no longer your role.  Protect the children as much as you can, but when you ex is acting a fool, let them.  If you think they are acting a fool, it is highly likely that other people will see it that way, too.  Don’t get yourself in the mix!

let-them

You may also enjoy a video from Coach Susan called, “Just Get Outta the Way!” .  You can view it here.

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High Conflict Central-Win the Battle, End the War

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High Conflict Central was created by parents, for parents. Even though a couple of our coaches now work in different capacities in alternative dispute resolution processes, we all started out in your shoes and conquered the worst of high conflict divorce. Some of us even challenged bad custody evalutions and successfully motioned the court for sole physical and legal custody to free our children from a family court prison. We want to help you do the same.

High Conflict Central offers live and online training to help you learn to Manage Conflict, improve communication, work with and understand court authorities, such as Lawyers, Parenting Coordinator/Consultants, Guardian ad Litems and even Child Protection Workers, not to mention, learn ways to bring peace back to your home and keep your children out of the middle. Check out our free e-courses!

To see everything High Conflict Central has to offer divorced parents and victims of domestic violence, including divorced parent mentors, visit our website. We are here for divorced parents, and we will do whatever we can to ensure that you remain a strong parent who is involved in your children’s lives! Your children need you.

Our Number One Goal:

To teach you to be the strongest, most engaged parent you can be at this time when children need you the most, and, if necessary, to compensate for what is lacking in the other household. To shift the focus away from what is beyond your control and focus, instead, on what is.

Goal Number Two:

To help you acquire skills to live life to the fullest, regardless of the behavior of anyone else and successfully work with court authorities to achieve your goals.

Goal Number Three:

Finally, our goal is to ensure that children have the love and guidance from at least one parent to keep them out of the middle of conflict and teach them healthy relationship skills so that family cycles of abuse and dysfunction do not repeat.

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High Conflict Central Disclaimer

 Because it is really about getting back to our lives and our kids and having a mentor to guide you along the way and listen to your concerns and understand your struggle can help you do just that!  High Conflict Central is about parents connecting with parents to lend support.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Please read our disclaimer and keep this in mind as you read our posts.

High Conflict Central Full Disclaimer:

The information on this blog is based on personal opinions and insight. Our writers are not attorneys nor licensed psychologists. We are Divorce Mentors, Relationship Coaches and Alternative Dispute Resolution professionals.

A majority of people struggling in Family Court are having issues due to a hostile ex or unhealthy relationship patterns. It has little to do with the law. None of the information or opinions offered by the authors should be considered legal advice. High Conflict Central and the individual writers who post are not rendering legal or other professional services through this blog and disclaim any and all liability to any person who reads this blog. We encourage readers to do their own research into the information that is provided. Readers should keep in mind that many things factor into court processes and cases can be quite different depending on where they are in the process and what has already been decided in their case.

Personal stories are shared to raise awareness. Our purpose is to help people disengage from high conflict battles and move into a happier and healthier life, but is not meant as legal advice or therapy. If you need legal or psychological advice, please seek the help of those professionals. Our goal is to support you as you navigate systems and the professionals you meet along the way and to help you learn from our experiences in the high conflict divorces that we lived through.